anika.Lee

There is never enough time in a day.  There are not enough hours to achieve everything that I wish to achieve. This depresses me. I wish that I could work different hours to allow me to have more time with B and also maintain a somewhat clean house. Sometimes I come home from work to such a mess that I feel like an utter failure as a wife and mother. Talk about a downer.  I wish there was more time for Patrick & I to spend together. I was thinking this morning that it would have been nice to realize how different life is after you have a baby. But how do you ever truly know for yourself until you have one yourself, and by then it's too late? Do not get me wrong... I do not regret having B in the tiniest way. I give thanks that we were blessed with him every day. But life is really different now, and Patrick & I don't have a fraction of the time or attention for each other that we used to. I do miss that. I think that as time goes by and B gets older, we will find more time for each other but right now B is #1! I also think that our choice of how to spend our time will evolve into time that includes B. I absolutely love this time...just the 3 of us. Priceless.
I want to get into shape. I don't say back into shape because before B, I never really was in shape. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being honest. I know people are always saying that they are trying to lose the "baby weight" after they have a sweet little bundle, but I don't have that problem. Thankfully! AND surprisingly! I have already lost the baby weight and more. I owe that to breastfeeding/pumping and having had gestational diabetes while pregnant. If I didn't have the diabetes with baby, I probably would have gained way more weight than I actually did. And now that I am aware of how carbs work and how many are in certain foods, it's been easier for me to stay away from most of the bad ones. My eyes are opened to what is going in my mouth. I never had this before. I have also joined Lifetime and have been going there to walk on the treadmill, work the elliptical, bike and do dumbbell stuff. I don't want to do anything too rigorous until after I am done breastfeeding/pumping. But it feels good to be healthier... and I hope to keep it up over time. I also quit smoking once I found out I was pregnant and haven't had the urge or picked up a nasty nicotine stick since. It's a wonderful feeling and can't wait for 10 years to pass so that I can enjoy my non-smoker lungs one again.
You know what else is totally time-consuming and addicting, and I feel obligated to keep it up? Even though I barely have time to shower some days?? Farmville. I know... so pathetic, right? But I literally almost cannot help but keep it up. I wish I could just delete the app from my Facebook and be done, but I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe someday I will find the strength from within to withstand it's strange pull! Haha. I am on top of my friends within the "game" and am totally opposed to getting passed up. It's like a competition and I don't want to lose. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter and it's just a stupid game and you don't really even achieve anything by being "on top". Doesn't matter, I still continue to do it. Damn you, Farmville.
I honestly think that the entire country should shift to 4-day work weeks. By all means, we should then work 10 hour days so that there isn't an hour lost from the 40-hour work week. Because it's soooo important that everyone spend their countless hours inside buildings shuffling papers around instead of enjoying nature and life outside. Can you sense my sarcasm there?? Sometimes I am driving into work amongst the army of other ants and feel like there is something truly wrong with the world. It just doesn't seem right that we are required to spend so much of our lives doing mostly pointless tasks. Looking from a "big picture" point of view, of course. I'm sick of being an ant. :-P Time to get back to my ant life.